Vjetropev Explains Tennis: De-quoting Tennis Quotes: WTA

WARNING: Certain de-quotations might be offensive to readers with a low tolerance for freedom of expression and to fanboys. If you want good, clean, wholesome fun, go to a Mormon picnic. This ain't the blog for you.

Those damn bloody quotes. Everyone seems to like them. Let's find as much wisdom or truth in as brief an amount of words as we can - as if something truly intelligent and perceptive can be easily compressed into just one or two sentences. Usually it can't. Fortune-cookie profoundness is like chewing-gum: tastes great at the beginning but on closer scrutiny is a load of shit. But in the Age of Twitter, the Age of Illiteracy, half-assed "musings" are the opium of the asses.

Quotes, for some reason, get people's genitals wet. Sure, there are some one-liners and famous quotes that deserve their reputations, but most quotes are just so flawed, stupid or vague that it doesn't take a genius to de-quote them. Trouble is, most people are the complete opposite of genius, so who better for this dirty job than me?

Sure, some quotes are taken out of context, some reflect a temporary mood of a player, and some show a person's opinion from a decade ago which might have changed in the meantime. But who gives a hoot, right? They were said and that's all that matters, hence fair game.

This pointless list is the 4th entry in my "De-quoting Quotes" series. I've already done Mahatmah Gandhi, Pablo Picasso and Noam Chomsky, exposing them for the frauds and bullshit-artists they truly are or were. This tennis entry is a little different however. I am not de-quoting quotes that are necessarily legendary or even somewhat known (except among a few tennis fiends), but am this time merely commenting on some quotes I found on the internet.

Some of these are ready-made quotes, meaning quotes I found on photos, because I know most of you would never "read" an article just with words and no nice colourful pictures.

But most of the WTA quotes (unlike the ATP ones) deal with quotes that I personally had to glue onto photos. These are nearly always the more interesting ones I had to stick onto photos myself because none of you "fans" deemed it necessary to do them yourselves: it seems most tennis fans prefer the dull, "wise", "educational" quotes, because most people are dull and, ironically, un-wise.

Obviously, most of the quotes I found and chose suck or are full of flaws and most I de-quote in the usual manner typical of this vile blog. What else can you expect from a de-quoter?

But enough gabbing. After all, this is an intro to quotes, and they are usually notoriously short. May the nit-picking commence.

De-Quoting the Quotes: Women's Tennis

The only way you're gonna do that would be to increase the size of the yellow ball to that of a football, add 4 more players on each court half, and remove rackets from play. But then, of course, you'd have to call it something else. Pennis? No, Billy would definitely not vote for that name. If we also elevate the net, hell we might as well just call it volleyball, right?

You gotta love Billy though, she's such a bloody liberal. Trying to turn an inherently egotistical one-on-one sport into a more "communal" experience might just as well have stemmed from a pot-smoking hippy. "Man, let's stop the fighting, let's do this thing TOGETHER, let's all pitch tents on the court and smoke weed and sing happy songs about flowers and Vietnam, dude." Davis Cup is losing in popularity, if anything, and nobody wants to watch doubles, let alone quadruples. Billy, you're a loon.

That's a LOT better, Billy! That's the kind of thing we wanna hear: honest, practical shit.
I hope Serena's opponents are taking notes, especially Sharapova who hasn't won a set off the big-boobed tranny since the Black Plague.

And this is a good opportunity to show you the difference between the photo-shopped quotes I found on the internet and the quotes that I personally inserted on photos. As you can see, my quote is much more interesting and useful. And yes, Billy did say that, I am not making anything up.

If the WTA kept police files, Sereno would fill up 90% of its pages.

How do you separate a serenotard from a non-serenotard? The serenotard judges Sereno based on his fake press-photo smiles, whereas the non-serenotard prefers to judge Sereno based on what he sees on the court in the heat of the battle.

All the normal girl stuff, such as screaming at the top of your lungs in front of 10,000 people while hitting a ball smaller than your brain, while reminding half the women in the crowd what a real orgasm sounds like. Like all "normal girls", Vika also is about 6 foot 5 and has the build of a Russian plummer. All quite normal for the average young girl, of course.

Sometimes award ceremonies are worse than watching a politician publicly "repent" for receiving a blow-job from an ugly intern. These modern tennis pros are so well-trained in the art of politically-correct bullshitting, one must wonder how many Oscars and Golden Globes they might pick up if they turn to professional acting. (Not to mention that Hollywood loves awarding those dumb statuettes to unattractive and vile women.) You couldn't get me to fake smiles like these two phony liars if you offered me a million bucks: I simply wouldn't know how to.

That's more like it.

And that's a whole lot better. Way to go, girls. (Insert Jerry Springer noises and chants.)

This may seem like a harmless, humourous comment at first, but think about it: this is yet another example of Sereno showing how little respect he has for his female opponents. Sereno does this often, making snide remarks at the expense of other players. Essentially, Sereno is saying "I don't even bother learning their names, they're all mince-meat to me, just little white Slavic girls that I crush with joy and ease."
And then think about it some more: what if a white, blue-eyed Russian girl ruled tennis the way Sereno does, and most of her opponents were Chinese players, and she said:
"There are, like, 50 players from China in the top 10. Every time you have to play a 'chin-chung choo'. They ask, 'who are you playing?', and I say, 'I am playing a dung fung chung'".
The liberal, politically-correct media would be all over her ass, calling her a white racist. There is a double standard being applied to Sereno, just because he is a transgender black person.

There are three types of players when it comes to showing respect or lack of it:
1. Players who don't insult their opponents regardless whether they win or lose.
2. Players who insult their opponents only after a loss.
3. Players who insult their opponents regardless whether they win or lose.
Sereno belongs to that very rare category who are always ready to be a bitch. It is exceedingly obvious from her body language that she is actually proud of being that way. She does it with relish and sadistic intent.
Ugly on the outside and the inside, I guess one could say.

What can I say? Like brother, like sister. The Book of Excuses is a thick one when it comes to Venus. But they're both arrogant, badly mannered bitches, and some of the sorest losers ever on the WTA tour. Admittedly, I can understand why Sereno struggles so much with losing: he can't face the fact that women occasionally beat him.

Way to go, Dinara!
One of the less mentally stable players of the past decade, she made her brother Marat seem Zen-like by comparison.

Histrionics and hysterics are some of the best assets the WTA tour has ever had. I wish they'd realize this and finally capitalize more on it. Instead of quoting all the boring, politically-correct, diplomatic things pros bullshit us with at often dull press conferences, I wish these kinds of things made it more into sports journalism, rather than me having to dig to find them.
On the other hand, I guess that's why you've got me and this blog, right?

I love how she claims she has "too much self-respect" to whore around at whim, but then adds how not many men could "afford such an expensive luxury", thereby actually equating herself with a sexual product. Comparing herself to an expensive dish means Kournikova has at least entertained the notion of having sex for money.
Plus, this silly notion that snapping her fingers and getting any man is some kind of an achievement. It's an achievement for a man, not a woman. No, those politically correct sheep amongst you, it's not the same whether a woman whores around or a guy collects trophies: it's simple biology. Read it up in case you still haven't figured out yet why this is.

No other WTA pro has ever addressed as many compliments to herself as much, as often, and as unashamedly immodestly as Sereno has. But guess what? Sereno is black, he is transgender, he is no 1, so he can get away with anything - courtesy of the liberal media. The same liberal media that wants to crucify Djokovic for that Santoro match he never tanked on purpose, or for allegedly shouting rudely at a ball-girl at Wimbledon.
The sports media pick and choose whom they will favour and whom they will crush - or try to. Don't fall for it.

That's a self-contradiction. If you're "always at the top" that means you're "the best". But then again, you claim to be beating the best. So either she is talking about beating herself, or she doesn't think she's the best after all.

"Winning is out of my control"? So tennis is like a lottery or roulette, is it? In that case Federer, Nadal, Sampras and Djokovic must be the luckiest players of all time.
Listen, chinful wonder, if you want to "try the best you can", yet "winning is out of your control" then why try? "Logic is not strong with this one", says Master Yoda.
She says winning is out of her hands, yet she wants to have exactly ten years of a career. Not 9, not 11, but 10. And she wants to be great first and then suck - for a whole 5 years.
Judging from her 2015 season, she might have to do her 5 shitty years first. We're all keeping our fingers crosses that all 10 of her years suck.

You mean like the time you gave up a QF match at AO against Serena - despite being a set up - due to heat exhaustion?

So when you lose that means what?
Sereno is also about bitching, screaming, growling, having hysterical tantrums, threatening lines-people and players, mocking her opponents unprovoked, downplaying other players' talents, making lame excuses for losses, faking smiles, running for balls as ungracefully as an inebriated impala, using PEDs and the Race Card, making thinly-veiled racist remarks, trying to convince us that being built like a mountain is sexy, and boasting about himself.
There is just so much more about him than "just winning".
"I'm only about winning". It's so unlike Sereno to be modest.

Is that a kimono? Perhaps you'll have more success serving men than serving into the opponents' court.
Douchie never boasts about raising the bar for stupidity.
Between her and Sereno Williams, there isn't an area of boasting they haven't covered.

Which says what about women's tennis? That competition had been so weak for so many decades. Only when you come back to a bunch of weak, beatable opponents is it easy to come back from a long break.
Of all the more notable WTA players, Lindsay is possibly the most famous for saying incredibly stupid things. Her puberty was all about body growth-spurts. The brain was kinda neglected.

LMFAO isn't music. It's just two clowns with stupid hair jumping up and down like rubber balls to simple, moronic beats and dazzlingly dull samples. Even your grunting and screaming is more musical.
Hang on... Vika, you let one of those guys shtoop you? Well, you never mentioned anything about self-respect, so I guess sex with circus clowns can be filed under "dumb floozy cow".

You mean be racist, violent, transgender PED users? And, of course self-centered egomaniacs - as this quote shows.
Imagine a world of 7 billions Serenos: the murder-rate would go up by 50000%.
Evidently, Sereno's been trained from an early age to love himself and nobody else.

And the mark of great sportswomen is to show respect to their younger, more talented colleagues by not complaining to the referee about their grunting when they are losing. Just ask Monika Seles: Wimbledon semis 1992.

I don't know what "violence" Ms. King is talking about. Until the 90s - not to mention during her time - women's tennis was more like a ballet version of badminton; the ball flew so slowly to the opponent's racket, you could go buy some drinks, go back to year seat, and you'd still get there in time to see the ball returned.

Sometimes pictures do tell a 1000 words. This de-quotation has been achieved with the generous aid of Sereno's rich catalog of frightening photographs.
But what kind of a de-quoter would I be if I didn't add a few more words to the 1000 already given?
For example, why would Sereno even have to state the obvious - that she is playing women's tennis? Perhaps because it's not that obvious?
And how about "most of the time I always like"? Is it most or is it always? Sereno passed Grammar class by threatening his teacher with an ass-whooping.

Perhaps they meant to say "ranked 2,000 or lower"?

Karsten Braasch, modestly successful German journeyman, sandwiched between two ghetto boys dressed as girls. He was described by a journalist as being the type of player who smoked and sipped a few beers between matches.
And that's exactly what he did: he drank a few beers before playing the Williams siblings, one by one.

Pretty prophetic, huh?
Essentially, Sereno is telling us - without even realizing it - that he had felt like a man already at age 16, and dreamed of playing the men's tour. This was no feminist mission impossible; this was a confused teen transgender trying hard to be accepted among her male peers. Several years later, Sereno clearly achieved what he set out to do in 1998: he has become a man. The only problem is that WTA's politically-correct red-tape clowns failed to notice the transformation and kick Sereno off to the men's tour.

Venus's comment is the sillier one though. This was back in the day when Penus was very cocky, oozing arrogance and when her chip-on-the-shoulder routine that could be seen from the Great Wall of China.
Suddenly the "200 or lower" machismo boast before the defeat became "300 or lower" and she said it without a grain of humour. So if Venus next lost to a guy ranked 342, would she change her tune to "I can beat any man 400 and lower"? And would she have had the intelligence to say that in a joking manner?

"I can beat men in the 300s and up", this lady-wannabe says. Well, go on then: join the men's tour and make a "career" on the men's Challenger and Futures tours, making $500 a month, see how you like it.
Of course, she never could win a match against any ATP player, ranked 200 or 900, in 1998 or 2007. This is Jehowanian Witnessian delusion taken to a whole other level.

The Williams siblings are such a dumb bag of contradictions. They want to compete with men, prove how ghetto they are, they constantly trash-talk and behave like street scum - and yet they also want to walk on runways, design their own fashion crap, be sex-symbols (to God knows whom), be all lady-like and feminine.
These two grotesque buffoons would have their asses served to them by all the world's top comedians and the international press - if only they weren't black. Imagine two white-trash princesses boasting and gangsta-posing and behaving like such jackasses week-in and week-out? They'd be tennis's Sarah Palin. The media would pummel them. It's the reverse-racism double-standard we've become so accustomed to that most people don't even register it.

Lucky promoter! Because glamorous WTA pros are truly rare.
What planet is this lady-boy fondler from? Something tells me he belongs to the sort of politically-correct lunatics who'd refer to Sereno Williams as a "glamour girl", when in fact Sereno has no glamour and isn't a girl.
If you want a career in sports journalism, just pretend that Sereno is a fair sportsman and that he is extremely sexy: you will be hired and never fired.

You mean from your father's ballsack, Anna?
This is Kournikova's version of "Jenny from da Block". I love these rich princesses lying about how they stay true to their roots. What a load of shit.

There is a great GIF of this. A wonderful Sharapova moment there.

It was easier to be a little politically-incorrect back in the day.
Not that Pam is naturally un-PC. She is a Feminazi as most prominent lesbians are, but it was, is and always will be considered OK to joke about the Chinese in the Media Guide To Political Correctness. So was this PC or un-PC? You tell me. Certainly she would never make this type of comment about the Black Continent, as that would get her banned from the media forever.

This, however, was not back in the day, and is more than just un-PC.
The background to her ridiculous reaction might be the fact that there is a long tradition in Russia of fear from being overrun by a Chinese invasion. Or perhaps she just reacted this way because she struggled to beat a Chinese nobody in three tough sets.
Then again, she is the sister of Marat Safin, who is a member of Putin's United Mafia Party, and member of Putin's hand-picked Duma. It all makes perfect sense.
Safina never gave me the impression of being particularly rational.The Safins are mentally ill, that much we know.

I have no idea what the fuck this means. It might as well be Chinese. I see a lot of weird letters hanging like clothes on horizontal lines.
Nice photo though. Sania Mirza is one of the cuttest and hottest WTA players ever. I just wished her boobs or ass were featuring as prominently as her feet. I'm not a foot-fetishist. Perhaps the quote is about the supposed sexiness of smelly female feet, posted by a perverted Indian tennis fan?

Why is it always the ugly ones who say that?
Translated into English: "Everyone says I'm too big, fat, muscular and ugly, but they should all shut the fuck up because I'm a beautiful person. I like myself and that is all the proof you need that I'm a great person."

"We're always told what's beautiful and what's not." Nope, Sereno, you're way off on that one. People don't need to be told that you look like a walrus, they can see that for themselves.

Sereno, you're the last psycho bitch that needs to dish out moral lessons.

1. I am sure Sereno never complained when the crowd booed after her opponent's first serve. This must be the usual bitching and whining after being exposed to yet another hostile crowd sick and tired of watching her Cro-magnon ass run around the court.
2. Threatening a line-judge half your size with violence is bad, Sereno.
3. Threatening your opponents with violence is bad, Sereno.
4. Immodesty and making fun of other players is bad, Sereno.
5. Forcing the crowds to watch your huge muscular elephant legs is bad, really bad, Sereno.

No fear, Anna, you're light-years away from looking like those two.
Still, I don't understand a few things. Why use Venus as an example? Venus and her brother Sereno are day and night almost in terms of build.
Also, if you hate your muscles, why did you put in all the hours in the gym for? Did you think it would make you smarter or your boobs bigger?
Anna, not the brightest cookie in the universe.

The good old ancient days when female tennis players looked like women.
Or am I romanticizing the past too much? Take a peak at the top 100 in the 80s, for example, and you will perhaps find one that resembles Lea. The 90s weren't much better. Things started picking up with the arrival of - fittingly enough - Kournikova. It's as though she somehow opened the flood-gates and women like Ivanovic and Sharapova could finally succeed and we didn't only have butch lesbians in the top 30.

As for Lea, she never even reached the QFs of a slam, so I doubt her looks would have been enough to match Kournikova's money-making success. People forget that Anna was in the top 10 and played Wimbledon SFs and Aussie Open QFs. Furthermore, she won several slam titles in doubles, and won a Newcomer of the Year Award - and those aren't handed out by a beauty pageant miss teen USA jury.
Besides, sorry to have to say that, Lea, but Anna also looks better.

I can already hear millions *** of voices of all you politically-correct douches gathering saliva to say something about "inner beauty", how "looks fade with time", or that "tennis is a sport and not a beauty contest". Right, you mongrels?
Well, you brainwashed, self-righteous, zealous defenders of all that's "proper" and "correct" seem to forget how vastly important looks are to women, especially women in the media spotlight. If you for one second think that Hingis wouldn't trade places with Anna in a millisecond, despite losing all her slam titles in the hypothetical swap, you know nothing about female mentality - and that's despite the fact that Martina doesn't look bad.
Of course sexy Anna is being a sore loser, but is she wrong? Of course not. Besides, if results are all that matters, why did Anna make lots more money than most slam champs she'd played against?
And anyway, did Anna really insult her? Not really. She said "more" sexy and attractive. She didn't say "I'm pretty and you're ugly".
The two became friends and successful doubles partners later on.

*** I wasn't implying that millions of people would read this dumb text. Far from it.

I think someone's jeaaaaaloooouuuuusssssss.
But, as usual, there's so much more nonsense in just a brief statement from Sereno. There's more than just jealousy oozing out this bullshit:

1. Models don't look fabulous. They only look great to gays and women brainwashed into thinking that a BMI of 11 represents ideal women. The fact they look more fabulous than you, Sereno, does not mean they're attractive. They're the polar opposite of you. You're built like Conan the Barbarian, they're built like Harry Potter. You're an alpha male, they're boys. Neither is good.
2. A sincere smile can't make up for huge manly muscles and a figure that resembles Tolkien's tree-Ents. And a fake smile can't even make up for one of the numerous insults you hurl at other players.
3. Models aren't mad, they're merely grumpy, craving for their next shot of heroine. Kinda like you need your PEDs. So there's at least that similarity between you and the models.
4. Besides, you're projecting, Sereno. It's you who's angry. You're angry at them for being slim (skin and bones, admittedly, but nevertheless), you're angry at the white man for whatever reasons, you're angry at Sharapova making more money in endorsements than you are despite being far less successful, you're angry that many people hate your obnoxious behaviour, and you're angry at every single player who ever beat you.
5. Don't you model, too, Sereno?

So compete after match point too? Compete in the showers after the match? How about competing with Sereno? Win a set at least?

So it's her outfits that piss you off, ginger? It's not the fact that she looks the way she does and you look the way you do? You sure it's not that?
"Too much of everything" is what it's about: too pretty, too successful, too popular. Maria has the looks and the slams, and you don't. Well said, Alla.

She was joking, right?

Uh-oh, our pal Sesil has a problem with Maria Sharapova as well. Not so much a "beauty and the beast" story as yet another "beauty vs. the beast" anecdote from the famously bitchy WTA tour.

A particularly fascinating statement coming from Cecilia aka Sesil considering that Maria leads with a 4-0 H2H against her, including a 60 61 win that came just a year after Sesil's jealous, paranoid outburst.
Using Sesil's "logic", Djokovic was "scared" to play me too because I never practiced with him. She must have thought she was the hottest young talent on the tour at the time.
Sesil was 14 when she said this. You gotta love these very young WTA players: they are just so full of youthful machismo.

Sesil's comeback = who gives a shit = five people read this comment on her Facebook page.
Another equation would be work work and more work = no results = she's got no talent = or maybe she isn't working enough.

Svetlana, you're barely female and yet you are allowed to play on the women's tour: so how is Siberian-born, Russian-speaking Maria then not an actual Russian? Would Putin ever allow a quasi-Russian to carry the Olympic torch at Sochi? Come on, Svetlana, think about it: nobody ever says "I don't know if you could call Svetlana a human female though".
On second thought, a lot of people do say that.
Besides, she should better be glad she wasn't asked who the least popular Russian is in the top 10, coz we all know the answer to that one.

OK, that's another Russian top 10er we can tick as hating being in Maria's shadow. It must have especially hurt when that same Maria beat her in the QFs of a slam.

I hope she didn't crash-land on her ass too hard, running down Sharapova's forehands.
I especially love the part about how "when you are losing it doesn't look good when you go to the umpire" to complain. Elena, you dimwitted jealous cow, it's just as bad when you bitch about it in front of journalists after you just lost a match. Besides, I don't seem to remember her being particularly low-voiced when she played.
Just wonderful, these WTA cat-fights.

Man, this Russian-on-Russian jealousy just keeps coming! There is just so much junk in this quote, I need to do divide it up:

1. You lost the match and she won it. It does work both ways at the same time. It's not either or.
2. Aren't you supposed to be "desperate for a win" whenever you play? Isn't that what pro sports is about? Or at least what it's supposed to be about.
3. Svetlana, you klutz, how can you use this pathetic excuse when both of you are playing MOSCOW, of all places! Of course she was "desperate to win", she was playing you on her home turf. YOUR home turf also, in case you forgot.
4. Dementieva was actually born in Moscow, so to actually "mock" her extra effort playing in her home city is asinine.
5. What was that quote about Sharapova not being Russian enough? Remind us how Russian you are when you don't try very hard in your home country.

OK, so we come full circle. Full Russian circle. We've seen that Kusnetsova hates Sharapova, we've seen that Dementieva hates Sharapova, and now we see that Dementieva and Kusnetsova hate each other as well.
It's as WTAish as it gets.

Small waist? Having an ass the size of a football field doesn't mean the waist is small. Sereno is delusional.
Whenever a very fat woman (or a tranny such as Sereno) "defends" their inadequate physical features, they nearly always point to the anorexic extreme as an "argument" why they supposedly prefer to look the way they do. That's like Hitler arguing you should embrace Nazism because the "only" alternative is communism. I refer to this logic fallacy as the "dual extremism" argument.
No woman should look either like that dumb Olsen twin or like Sereno or like a stranded whale. Who is Sereno kidding? He is about as convincing as a 260-kilo woman lying how she doesn't want to lose weight.

Certainly no male athlete has boobs like you!

It's typical for many ugly women with large breasts to constantly advertise them, talk about them, show them. It is a way of comforting oneself, a way to distract from everything else. I don't blame Sereno for talking about his large boobs or for hating himself, I blame him for being an egotistical, vile douchebag.

Don't you love the pose?

There must be some kind of a lobotomy machine that the Jehovah's Witnesses sect uses. I have no other explanation for how Venus and Sereno can enjoy such blissful denial about themselves.

Another enigmatic quote from the pompous Canadian girly. I shall try to decipher it.
So, "deep down" she believes in herself but on the surface she doesn't? And yet, despite the fact that she has no belief on the surface, she somehow "knows" that she can achieve "those dreams". How can she know on the surface that she can achieve "those dreams" when she has belief only "deep down"?
Herr Freud, could you please help here a little? Eugenie would be such a fun case study for him.
Speaking of dreams and belief, tennis fans around the globe dream that you lose many slam finales and they believe this to be possible.

There is plenty of truth in this. Sometimes even a liberal can have an intelligent thought. On the other hand, this is nothing new. She could easily have heard it or read it from some other pro. Merely parroting other people's wisdom doesn't necessarily make you wise, but it does make you an effective parrot.

Even sailors aren't this forward.
She's basically advertising herself? She's using the media to tell her male groupies to not give up hope, that she always has time for guys on the side.
There was a poll conducted in Russia sometime in the 90s to find out whether young Russian women would ever consider a career in prostitution as a means to earn some extra cash. 80% said yes. Just thought I'd mention that.

Stop lying, Nike. It's not funny anymore. I mean, sure, one can be strong and powerful and beautiful but that's a description often used for elephants. And stop photo-shopping Sereno like that. Your CGI people have just wasted 1000 hours on nothing. They could have made a Pixar animation movie in that time-span instead.

Do you need to be an expert in reading between the lines to figures this out? Yet another revealing quote about Sereno's inferiority complexes. Poor guy struggles so hard to convince us that he is beauty redefined and that he is confident in himself as a man or woman, but to no avail.
He just oozes frustration. "So I had to learn that I just had to enjoy being bigger." Translation:
"I realized there was fuck all I can do about being born like a cavewoman, so I forced myself to believe that this shitty, rugged body is actually attractive."
Sereno also needs to have someone explain to him the difference between "curvy and bodacious" and "man-like and over-the-top masculine". Or he needs to at least stop misusing these words. Raping the English language like that, has she no shame?

Has Rolling Stone magazine nothing better to do than interview tennis players? Don't they have stories to do about how artistic and amazing Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber are? Don't they have something to write about the wonders of Socialism?

Before I get to the hilarious religious stuff, can I just say daaaaaamn! No wonder Sereno hates her sister so much. The Williams sibling rivalry has awhole other level to it: not only did they compete in slam finales, but there was an added, very obvious beauty-and-the-beast slant to this story too - at least in terms of body-shape, coz obviously Venus is no beauty by any stretch of politically-correct imagination.

Can you imagine Sereno or his sister Venus knocking on your door, trying to sell that JW gibberish to you? You know what, if Venus came dressed like that, I would convert. Sure, why not. People have joined dangerous sects for much dumber reasons.
And how on all seven levels of hell can this kind of nude posing be justified by the Jehovah's Witnesses and their notoriously stringent beliefs? It just goes to show that money talks and bullshit walks. The sect is more than glad to turn a blind eye - or both - to the Williams sisters' behaviour just because they're JW celebs adverting their cretinous cult.

But going back to Venus's body: daaaaaamnnnnnnn. Not bad at all.
Sereno must hate her.

It can't be easy getting out of those self-made craters, can it, Sereno?
And wipe that awful fake smile off your face. It's neither lovable nor cute.

She wants to be a "lady", yet behaves, talks, looks like and boasts like a gangsta rapper or a violent, ear-biting boxer. I ask you to muse on this: how would these kinds of statements go down with the politically-correct media if a blue-eyed, blond, attractive player that belongs to a vicious religious cult said them? Do we ignore all of Sereno's vices just because he is black? And you gotta love the blatant racism in that statement.
Some people are so daft, they still haven't managed to detect racism in his statements, and still defend the beast whenever he rightfully gets bombarded by internet trolls for being a bigot.

A little food for thought for all you self-righteous, self-loathing, gullible liberals.
I don't mean you should literally eat this quote. Hopefully you're not that dumb.

Booooooorrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggg.

First of all, it's important you know he said this in the 80s when women's tennis was an absolute joke, both in terms of skill and competitiveness. Not to mention that nearly all the top players looked like men or sexually frustrated librarian nuns - whichever comes first. The outcome of every match was predictable and slams were dominated by the same two players for over a decade.

What he said still holds true, but to a much lesser extent than before - or at least that'd be the case if the prize money hadn't been equalized since Cash's time. So the quote still has a lot of merit. For example, tickets for the 2016 women's finale at Melbourne cost only half as much as the men's and the ticket prices for it went down drastically whereas the prices for the men's finale went up a bit.

And here is Pam's typically indignant, self-righteous, Feminazi reaction to Pat's valid criticisms of how profits are divided up.
It's such a great example of early political correctness. Note how Shriver "argues" against Pat Cash's statements about women's tennis, by not attempting to refute anything he claims, but goes straight for the jugular: character assassination.

1. "Chauvinist Aussie" is the first thing she says, thereby actually insulting Australian men - but since most Aussie men are (or were) white, that's perfectly acceptable so nobody calls her out on it in the media. Imagine the reactions had she said "chauvinist Zambian" as a reaction to a black male tennis player saying this?
How exactly does criticism of women's tennis qualify a man as a chauvinist? I don't think clowns like Shriver even know what chauvinism means.
2. Then she says how Pat "made comments before" of this type - as if repetition somehow proves that an argument is wrong: that's inane Feminazi logic at its most typical. Pat was repeating the same thing over and over precisely because the subject wasn't being addressed properly by the biased hard-line-feminist left-wing media.
3. "Narrow-minded and a little dumb". Is this an adult person's rebuttal or a 5 year-old venting anger? This ain't shit. Calling someone "dumb" is hardly a valid argument. It merely shows that she has no arguments. "Narrow-minded" is a typically PC "argument" out of the PC Guide For Smashing Free Speech.
4. But she is glad "most people are more broad-minded than Cash", which means what exactly? Firstly, she never conducted a poll, so how would she know what the majority thinks. Secondly, being "broad-minded" doesn't mean "brainwashed and scared to talk" but that's exactly how she's using it. The PC Fascists have changed the word "broad-minded" to mean just the opposite: thinking only one way - the generally accepted way.

Bullying practiced by the politically-correct Left against anybody who thinks differently has been an ongoing cancer in western society for decades now. So just keep being silent on all taboo matters, ye sheep: you're exactly what the Closet-Marxist Establishment wants you to be - meek, obedient slaves.

So it's safe to say these two don't like each other?
OK, I admit it: I faked Conchita's quote. She never said that. But you can bet your ass she must have wanted to say it.
What could the background be to this hatred? Perhaps Conchita came on to her in the locker-room; the Spaniard is a lesbian, after all, and the locker-room is a notorious playground and flirting place on the WTA tour. Or maybe Patty just hated her moon-balls, which drove many players crazy.
Patty Schnyder was a Swiss pro, and a member of some wacky religious cult. When Patty played one of the Williams siblings, did both churches send nuns to cheer for the teams?

"We all like each other", Patty? Doesn't seem you like Conchita much either.
Interesting contrast though, between Patty's arch-enemies, Conchita and Anna: they couldn't be more different. I guess Patty is an equal-opportunity attacker.

Patty's two quotes on the left basically mean this: "Just seeing her pretty face and great figure throws me into a rage of jealousy out of which I cannot crawl out, hence can't concentrate on playing."
That's alright, Patty. You weren't the only player jealous of her, nor were you the only player to express her jealousy in such a thinly-veiled, obvious way that makes tennis fans cringe in embarrassment.
And one more thing, Patty. Take those hands away. They're not covering anything.

So young, yet already with a long list of controversies, embarrassments, and assorted stupidities: Eugenie Douchard never stops with her own, unique brand of egocentric bullshit.

Or you could say, "if you can keep playing tennis when someone is shooting nearby, that's real stupidity." Just depends how you look at it.

There goes Sereno again, playing up his "ghetto upbringing". Sereno, you egotistical dimwit, you're playing for YOURSELF, not others. Playing tennis while someone is being shot in his kidneys a few blocks away isn't concentration, it means not giving a fuck about others.

It would take an act of God - or the world's best sex-surgeon - to turn your brother Sereno into a woman.
As for Indian Wells, considering how unpopular the Williams siblings are nearly everywhere, I am quite sure nobody except the PC media give a shit about them not playing. In fact, I am convinced many Californians love the fact that their Tier I event can occasionally have a proper female champion, and isn't tainted by their negative presence.
If ever the word butthurt could be properly applied, it could be used in the case of the Jehovah's Witnesses siblings crying foul over racism. Kind of like the pot calling the kettle black.
Very nice ass.

Anna the Great Nostradumbus. But that's OK, I am sure Sereno would trade all her slam trophies to look half as good as her sister Venus - let alone as Kournikova. They say "looks aren't everything". Well, slam trophies aren't everything either, especially when you look like a Tolkien troll.

I love this quote, because she gave Andrea Petkovic a well-deserved mocking for behaving like a disrespectful clown after winning matches. For anyone who's ever played a tennis match, I doubt they can picture more insulting behaviour than watching your opponent do an idiotic victory dance just second after match point.

The fuck is he talking about? He won his first slam aged 18! "Not knowing when it would come". Fucking hell, what a load of shit this ghetto boy spouts off.
As for luck, so being born with 30 times the normal amount of testosterone isn't luck? (Come to think of it, it's only luck inasmuch as making money in sports, but privately it can't be that great to be a she-male.) And I'm talking about 30 times the amount the average MALE produces, not women.
Having muscles the size of Nebraska also isn't luck?
Although, to be fair, the muscles might not be luck. It might just be the kilotons of PEDs this tyrannosaurus snorts in every week.

We sure know your fake smiles, you're famous for them.
As for crying, big boys don't cry, so there's no need to apologize.

Several problems with this, ghetto boy:

1. If it's "just a game", why threaten the line-judges with murder and your opponents with body-slams? (Nothing to do with grand slams.)
2. Isn't everything supposed to be subjugated to the sect - in a sect such as Jehovah's Witnesses? As far as I know about sects, especially JW, the family unit is destroyed from within in order to strengthen the sect's influence on the family.
3. And how does the number 144,000 fit into this picture? Only your family and a few others get to have eternity, right? Have you ever tried telling that to your moronic fans, Sereno?
4. The verb is missing in the first part of the sentence. A screw-up by the serenotard who posted this quote on the net, or Sereno doing her ghettospeak?

Kind of puts that previous quote into perspective, doesn't it?
I didn't make this up. It's well-documented and there's even a great GIF of it.
Of course, only serenotards could possibly doubt the validity of this quote.

Or, if Dad allows, I can win again without a fight.

A typical incomplete quote, hence the lack of punctuation. The entire quote goes as follows:
"If anything, you know, losing makes me even more motivated - TO USE THAT FUCKING BITCH AS A PUNCHING BAG, KNOCK HER BLUE-EYE LIGHTS OUT, PULL ALL OF HER BLOND HAIR OUT OF HER AND THEN RAM THIS HUGE FIST DOWN HER FUCKING THROAT."

And because it was so adorable the first time, here it is again.
"If anything, you know, losing makes me even more motivated - to BREAK EVERY LITTLE BONE IN THAT HO'S WHITE BODY, TO JUMP UP AND DOWN ON HER LEGS WITH RAZOR-BLADES TIED TO MY FEET, AND TO THROW HER OUT OF A SPEEDING AIRPLANE RIGHT INTO THE MOUTH OF A HUNGRY SHARK TRAINED PERSONALLY BY ME TO WHOOP TRASHY WHITE BITCHES THAT DAAAAREEEEE BEAT ME!"

There she goes - again - about her bloody fake smile.
Where do I even begin? Sereno always says such stupid things, I can have a field day with every single shit she comes up with:

1. Sereno, your body is so HUGE that even your big-ass ugly fake smile is tiny compared to it. You'd better learn to love your ass more coz it's visible from Earth's orbit, whereas your smile disappears surrounded by all the muscle tissue.
2. A smile doesn't really constitute a body part. The mouth does.
3. We hate your smile. It's fake. Wait, I've said that already ten times. Not enough. I'll say it again: FAKE FUCKING SMILE.
4. The only way your smile will ever make up your whole body is if you: a) stopped using PEDs for a decade, b) stopped eating food altogether, c) you rammed a walrus in your mouth. Preferably a walrus the size of your thighs, a specimen which admittedly might be tough to find.

No need to wait for the WTA to get off its lazy, corrupt ass and stop protecting Sereno from the obvious PED use, coz this blog fulfills that purpose more than adequately. Pam is basically telling us that Sereno is doping in the most non-suable way she can. Walking the tightrope between trying to tell the truth to the public and trying to avoid being sued by Sereno's lawyers is a tricky one. Kudos to Pam for at least doing what most former pros refuse to do coz they prefer not to jeopardize their jobs. It ain't easy being white in modern America: the slightest negative comment about a black celebrity might get you vilified, crucified and massacred by the left-wing press that guards its cretinous "principles" with the ferocity of 5,000 SS troops.

Then again, Pam is an official member of the media-influential lesbian left-wing army, which allows her more freedom to be critical than for example a blond, white male such as Jim Courier ever could be.

Fucking hell, Tracy, you've discovered the Moon! Yes, when you want to achieve something it IS usually best not to let up but to keep going at it. Wow, how did she figure THAT out? I mean, it took me 17 decades to draw this conclusion - and then another 6000 years to understand the full quantum-physics implications of it - and yet Tracy gets it in under 5. What genius pill is she on?

What's the bloody point of photo-shopping such a bland, obvious, uninteresting statement as a quote?
What's next? "Tennis is a sport with yellow balls and a racket that's round at the top"?

Especially the PEDs, Sereno. Don't ever give up those. And don't ever be afraid to look like a sperm whale while winning on PEDs. Nobody will dare suspect you because you are black, and as we all know from libtard media, black tennis players can't be doing doping just as they can never be racist.

Sure, and your father had also taught you how to create charities and steal money from them (what, you didn't know?), and perhaps you learned a thing or two also about how to evade taxes, you big-nosed tranny bitch. Did he also teach you how to continue playing a German tournament even after your biggest rival and player who kicked your ass regularly got stabbed by your own fan - instead of making a firm statement by withdrawing from the event and asking the organizers to cancel it?
And I love this "doesn't matter if you win or lose" shit - especially coming from a very greedy guy possessed by money who never even played the game, and it's particularly comical considering that Graf absolutely hated losing, and would act like a sourpuss whenever she got her one-dimensional-tennis ass kicked by a better player.

That's more like it. I've never seen Graf so honest.

It seems Martina knew Steffi's father very well.

Especially against Monika Seles, which is when you decide to hire a homicidal fan to stab her in the back so the path back to no 1 can be clear and easy once again.

Just kidding.

Yes, we wouldn't want Interpol getting their hands on evidence of how you organized the attack on Monika Seles and how you paid knife-stabbing classes for Gunther, or how you stole funds from your charities, or how you tried to have rhinoplasty but surgeons told you that your nose bone goes all the way into your small brain and then continues down to your ass bone, or how you had hot lesbian sex with your alleged "just friend" Rennae Stubbs who is a self-professed lesbian and with whom you spent a lot of your time while never being seen with any boyfriends all the way up until the late 90s when you hooked up with crack-smoking Agassi who has a fetish for ugly big-nosed trannies.

"Dear diary, that Hungarian-Serb bitch beat me yet again. What the fickfotzeschweinscheissl do I do? I must find a way to become no 1 but that predictable shitty slice backhand ain't gonna cut it. I'm torn between hanging, guillotine or a simple stabbing... But at least sex with Rennae was great as usual. We bought a new strap-on and took turns ramming it up each other's fotzenscheisshauser."

Not necessarily, Mrs. Agassi. People have known your big-nose ass for decades, and still the vast majority don't have an inkling what a bloody bitch you are. I guess tennis fans will root and support anyone - as long as they're no 1 and hold tons of slam titles.
As for recognition, that ridiculous schnozz made you instantly recognizable.
Obviously, she meant to say "it takes time for people to know you". It's a fairly spastic sentence, perhaps a bad translation.

No, Sereno, you got it all mixed up. We never said we don't believe that you can collect 50 slam titles with your man-muscles while impersonating a woman on the WTA tour. We said we don't believe you when you tell us you were born a woman.